


Spiralling

by GovernorKristique



Series: Acquiescence [5]
Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Childhood Memories, Comfort Sex, F/F, Fear, Hurt/Comfort, Joan loses control, Jodie takes care of Joan for a change, Lesbian Sex, Protective!Joan, Repressed Memories, Revenge, Sexting, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:06:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28292823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GovernorKristique/pseuds/GovernorKristique
Summary: Joan is triggered by looking at some old photographs, which unleashes a frightening side of herself that Jodie's never seen before. She's petrified she'll lose her young lover, and Jodie's devotion is put to the test as Joan questions whether Jodie's love or fear is stronger.After Jodie and her mum leave for a girls' weekend away, Jodie's father Sean wants to speak to Joan.
Relationships: Joan Ferguson/Jodie Spiteri, Vera Bennett/Joan Ferguson
Series: Acquiescence [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2050788
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

In the weeks that followed, Jodie regained her trust in Joan. The older woman had opened up about her difficult childhood, her father, and even began talking about Jianna. She could see that Jodie needed more from her, and while talking about the traumatic parts of her life hurt every time, she pushed through the pain for Jodie. She was deeply in love with the girl, and she would do anything she could to keep her close. 

Jodie sat in Joan’s lap on the couch, looking through one of Joan’s photo albums. “This is the first time I won a fencing tournament,” she touched the photo. A young Joan and her father gazed stoically at the camera, her white clothing decorated with a gold medal. “That’s your dad?” Jodie asked. “Yes,” Joan said softly. “He definitely looks like the drill sergeant type,” Jodie giggled as she turned the page. “Aw, you’re so cute here!” Jodie smiled as she gazed at Joan’s high school graduation photo. “Thank you my dearest,” Joan grinned as she kissed her cheek. “Who’s this?” Jodie pointed to a photo of a baby boy. Joan sighed, “that’s Shane. Jianna’s son,” she said. “Oh,” Jodie said softly as she turned the page again. The next photo featured Joan in a long black dress, standing next to her father. She held a university degree in a frame, but she didn’t look very excited to be graduating. “So you’ve just always looked like a model then, huh?” Jodie teased. “Oh stop,” Joan chuckled. “Damn, even all of your friends are hot. Who’s that?” she asked as she pointed to a photo of Joan and a curvy blonde woman with striking blue eyes. They looked like they were in their late 30s, and dressed for a night on the town. Joan’s stomach dropped. 

“Svetlana,” Joan sighed. “Bad memories?” Jodie pressed gently. Joan shook her head, “no darling. Lovely memories. She was my last girlfriend. We had a lot of fun together. She taught me a lot about myself,” she explained. “We were together for about a year when she died. She was strangled to death. No one was ever charged for her murder. I always thought her ex boyfriend did it...he found out about us, and he was pretty vocal in how he felt about lesbians...” she trailed. 

She hadn’t looked at any photographs of Svetlana since her death. Her blue eyes were deep enough to drown in, and Joan couldn’t bear to see them. As she gazed at the photo, they looked back at her with accusation. They brought Joan back to the last time she lost herself in those eyes filled with tears as the blonde bombshell gasped for breath, begging Joan to let go. It wasn’t until Svetlana was cold, her body strewn across the floor that she realized what she’d done. It was the first of many times that Nils Jesper would save her from the consequences of her sadistic impulses.

Jodie quickly flipped the page, hoping that the next photo would bring back happier memories for the tortured soul she loved. She smiled as she admired a photograph of Joan as a toddler, cuddling with a fluffy ginger cat. “You’re adorable!” she squealed. “Ah, Oleg. I loved that stupid cat,” Joan giggled. Jodie’s heart swelled, it was rare for her to hear genuine and innocent laughter from Joan. She abruptly closed the photo album and turned to face her lover. She grasped Joan’s hands tightly in hers, and kissed her deeply. “Let’s run away together. Anywhere in the world. We’ll make friends with people who don’t know us, and get a big stupid cat,” she said excitedly. “Oh? And where will we go?” Joan said playfully. “Anywhere. France, Brazil, Japan. Anywhere you like,” Jodie giggled. “Silly girl,” Joan kissed her forehead. “All kidding aside, why not? We could start a new life somewhere beautiful. We can just be together, and we wouldn’t have to hide,” Jodie said softly. “You know we can’t do that Jodie…” Joan whispered. “You have school, your family. A future to think about,” she said. “I’ll leave all of that!” Jodie claimed. “None of that matters to me if I can’t be with you…” she whispered. Joan’s heart sank as she processed the disappointment on her special girl’s face. 

“You have so much to look forward to my darling. Besides, you aren’t going to want to fuck me anymore when I’m all wrinkled and frail,” she gave Jodie a playful shove. Jodie laughed and straddled her lover. “I will make love to you until the end of time Ms. Ferguson,” she whispered. She kissed Joan’s neck and slid her hand down her pants. The raven-haired woman’s breath caught as Jodie roughly gripped her mound. She drew her finger up her wet slit, and playfully stuck it in her mouth. “You taste like you want me Mistress…” she teased. “Always darling,” Joan purred. Jodie hopped off the couch and made her way to the stairs. “Come and get me Governor,” she challenged as she bounced up the stairs. 

By the time Joan made it to her bedroom, the girl was already naked, laying on her back. She’d taken the liberty of setting Joan’s strap-on on the bed. “Well, I love a woman who knows what she wants,” Joan purred as she began undressing. “What can I say? I want it hard, and I’m an impatient girl. Please don’t make me wait for it…” she asked. Sensing the sincerity in her voice, Joan made quick work of fixing the strap-on to her body and straddling her lover. She rubbed her cock up and down Jodie’s slit, teasing her only a little. Joan eased the thick length into her silky entrance, and pushed the toy deep inside. “Oh fuck…” Jodie’s neck dropped back as she raised her hips in desire. Joan thrust a little faster as she circled Jodie’s clit with her finger. “Naughty girl…” Joan purred as she fucked her hard. “You like it when I fuck your tight little pussy?” she taunted. “Mmhmm,” Jodie whimpered. Joan grasped the girl’s hips and lifted her short legs, resting them on her shoulders. She pushed deeper as Jodie moaned in pleasure. “Oh god…” she bit her lip. She tossed her arms around Joan’s neck and pulled her into a desperate kiss, her tongue exploring every inch of the older woman’s mouth. She pulled away and gazed into Joan’s eyes as quiet moans escaped her lips, her hands gripping Joan’s cheeks. “God you’re beautiful,” Joan whispered. “Oh...please keep going…” she begged. “I love you Jodie,” Joan whispered as the pressure built in Jodie’s cunt. “Harder...please…” she gasped. Joan thrust as hard as she could into her sweet girl, entranced by the way she bit her lip and closed her eyes tightly when she was on the edge. Her eyes flew open as she arrested Joan’s gaze. “I’m so close...choke me...please…” she whimpered. Joan wrapped her elegant fingers around the girl’s throat and tightened her grip as she drowned in her girl’s dark brown irises. Jodie trembled as an intense orgasm set her body on fire. Joan smiled as her darling girl shook in euphoria, fixated on the way her eyes sparkled with panic. “J-Jo-J...st…pl” Jodie gasped as Joan’s hand pressed down into her throat. Fear consumed her as she noticed the dark eyes that usually glimmered with lust were empty. There was something sinister in Joan’s gaze that Jodie had never seen before. She grabbed Joan’s wrist with both hands and thrashed her body around, desperately trying to free herself from the older woman’s fatal grasp, her head swimming as she fought for her life. She slapped Joan across the face as hard as she could. The older woman released her grip and slowly looked down at Jodie, and then around the room to get her bearings, as if coming out of a trance. Jodie gasped for breath, heaving in big gulps of air with desperation. Joan looked down at her hands, trembling in the wake of realizing she had lost control of herself. 

“I’m so sorry  _ malishka _ , I...I don’t know what happened,” her lip quivered as tears welled in her eyes. Jodie’s chest heaved urgently as her breathing steadied. She sat up and leaned against the headboard and pulled her arms to her chest. “Jodie, I...I can’t apologize enough. I can never forgive myself for this,” Joan trembled. Jodie silently stared straight ahead. The women sat there for a few minutes in uncomfortable silence. “Please say something my darling,” Joan begged. Jodie took a deep breath. “What does  _ malishka _ mean?” Jodie asked. Joan’s face fell. “Oh...well, it’s...Russian. It means ‘baby’” Joan said gently. Jodie slowly nodded, still staring ahead at the wall. “Svetlana’s ex didn’t kill her, did he?” she whispered softly. She turned to look at Joan, waiting anxiously for her to respond. Joan’s hands trembled as she looked at the heartbroken young woman. “No,” Joan whispered as tears welled in her eyes. She buried her face in her hands as the guilt she repressed for over a decade now flooded her mind. It had been an accident. 

Jodie stood up and got dressed in silence. She put her hands in the pockets of her hoodie and looked at Joan. “I wish I could quit you.” she said. She stepped towards the older woman and pulled her hands away from her face. Joan closed her eyes as Jodie lightly pressed her lips to the older woman’s forehead. As she pulled away, the Russian woman grabbed her hand in desperation. “Jodie...please don’t leave me like this my darling,” she pleaded. “I’m going home. But I’m not leaving you Joan. I can’t, even though we both know that I should” she said sadly. “Loving you is a fucking tragedy,” she whispered as she turned and left. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: gun violence

A few days passed. Joan hadn’t heard from Jodie since the incident, and as much as she desperately wanted to, she stopped herself from reaching out. She had called in sick to work all week. She couldn’t eat, she couldn’t sleep, and her house was becoming uncharacteristically messy. Vera called to check in on her a few times, but she couldn’t bring herself to speak to her. She eventually quelled her constant requests to visit by claiming she was ill with something contagious. She knew Vera wouldn’t risk bringing something home to her ailing mother.

Joan’s phone buzzed. She groaned, exhausted at the thought of talking to Vera right now. To her surprise, it was Jodie. 

**I want to see you.**

Joan’s heartbeat quickened as she typed her response. 

**I’m so happy to hear that my darling. Tonight?**

Joan waited impatiently as the tiny speech bubble taunted her.

**Can’t, dad surprised mum and I with a trip away for the weekend. We’ve already left for the airport. Monday?**

**Yes my dearest. I’ll pick you up from campus after your literature class. I miss you.**

Jodie read her message but didn’t respond. Joan waited for awhile, but eventually put her phone down and settled in bed. She drifted off to sleep as her mind slowly stopped racing. 

An hour later, Joan woke with a start to the brutal sound of her phone vibrating on her wooden nightstand. She checked the time, it was 5pm. She had a text message from an unknown number. 

**Joan, this is Sean Spiteri. We need to talk. My house, 9pm tonight.**

Joan cocked her head to the side as she sifted through all of the possible reasons why Jodie’s father would want to talk to her. While she did entertain the idea that he perhaps found out about her relationship with Jodie, it seemed highly unlikely. Other than Bridget figuring it out, neither Joan or Jodie had told a soul since they first met two years ago. Joan wondered if Sean had seen her outside of his motel that night. Perhaps he was angry with her for scolding Lisa for staying with him. Regardless, she would be prepared for what she was about to walk into.

**Of course. See you then.**

\---

Joan pulled into the Spiteri’s driveway and took a deep breath. She pulled on her gloves and cautiously retrieved her gun from the glove compartment, and hid it down the back of her jeans. She watched the clock tick from 8:59 to 9:00, and stepped out of the car. She knocked on the door and waited. No answer. She knocked again, frustrated at the brutish man wasting her time. She turned the knob slowly and stepped through the door. 

“Sean?” she called. She heard some rustling in the kitchen, so she carefully made her way there, her hand hovering above her hips just in case. 

“Hello Sean,” she said quietly. She spotted a full glass of red wine on the counter as he poured another. He looked up and smiled tightly at the Russian woman. “Hiya Joanie. Care for a drink?” he grinned. “Sure,” she replied curtly. He carried the glasses to the kitchen table and gestured for her to sit. She sat across from him, studying his face. He seemed sober enough. 

“What is it you wanted to talk about?” she raised her eyebrow. “Ah, you know. We haven’t seen each other in awhile, thought it might be nice to have a catch-up eh?” he smirked. “Right. Lovely. Well, how have you been doing Sean?” she asked politely. She looked down at her wine with suspicion.

“Well not that great actually. Lisa’s been a pain in the arse, Jodie’s all torn up. Apparently her boyfriend dumped her, so that’s shit,” he muttered. “I see,” Joan replied. “Lisa wants to leave me. Says I’m a bad influence on Jodie. She finally caved and admitted that  _ you _ have been the one encouraging her to tear our family apart,” he snarled. “Yes well, I’m just looking out for my friend and her daughter. I’m sure you can understand why I believe they’d be safer away from you. A black eye isn’t a very becoming look for a woman, wouldn’t you agree?” she retorted. Sean laughed menacingly. “You lezzos are all the same. Always playing the victim,” he rolled his eyes. “I never laid a hand on Jodie. I would do anything to protect my daughter,” his gaze dropped to Joan’s wine for a brief moment. “Anything except get yourself together apparently,” Joan muttered under her breath.

“Not thirsty?” he tutted. “No, I suppose not,” she smiled tightly. “Ah go on Joanie, try it. Lisa says you love a good shiraz, and this one’s great, yeah?” he taunted. Joan lifted her chin as she examined the man. “As lovely as that sounds, I think you would enjoy it more than I,” she slowly pushed the glass across the table and arched her eyebrow. Sean grinned mischievously and took a big gulp from her glass. Joan’s mouth opened slightly in confusion.

“So it’s true,” he said through clenched teeth. 

“What’s true? Do enlighten me,” Joan provoked. 

“Well Joanie, you clearly thought I’d poisoned your wine. And you know usually, I’m not that kind of guy. But any parent would gladly do away with anyone who  _ preys _ on their children,” he growled. He got up and pulled Jodie’s journal off the top of the fridge. He dropped it to the kitchen table with a loud thud.

“You’ve been fucking my daughter Joan. You sick fucking whore!” he shouted as he grabbed the wine bottle and crashed it against the side of the counter, shards of glass flying everywhere. Before he could attack, Joan jumped out of her chair and grabbed her gun in one swift motion. 

“You don’t want to do this Sean,” Joan said calmly as she gripped her weapon with one hand. “Put it down, or I will decorate this kitchen with your blood,” she threatened. “Fucking hell, calm down,” he stuttered as he dropped the bottle. “Sit,” she commanded. He sat in the chair and shook his head. “She’s a child. She’s  _ my _ child! What kind of sick, twisted fuck are you Joanie?” he taunted. “Hmm, a sharp tongue for someone with a gun in their face,” Joan drawled. “Jodie is a consenting adult. And you’re poison. You beat your wife. You’ve broken Jodie’s heart countless times. You feed her drugs. You’re a pathetic excuse for a father,” she spat. 

“You’re a sick dyke. Turning my baby girl into a rugmunching lezzo. I’ve never laid a hand on her, but based on this filth,” he smacked the journal, “you’re abusive as fuck. A goddamn psycho,” he sneered. 

Jodie steaded her grip, keeping the gun pointed to his head as she grabbed the journal. She flipped through it, and saw that Jodie had recorded every detail of their kinky affairs. She raised an eyebrow in amusement as she decided to change her strategy. 

“You’re right Sean. I’ve choked her. I’ve spanked her. I’ve whipped her. I’ve bitten her hard enough that she’s covered in bruises. And guess what? She  _ fucking loves it, _ ” she purred. “Shut the fuck up you crazy bitch,” Sean shook his head erratically back and forth. “She’s quite the little slut you know. She loves eating my pussy. She’s a...hmm how did you put it…’rugmunching lezzo’”. Sean’s hands began to shake in anger. “Stop. You’re fucking lying,” he stammered. Joan smiled and continued to torment him, “I fuck her hard and make her come all over my fingers. She begs me for it. She even squirted for me once” Joan taunted. Seething in anger, Sean jumped up and lunged for Joan. “I’ll fucking kill you!” he shouted. Joan pulled the trigger and Sean’s body fell back into the kitchen chair with a loud thud. She’d shot him straight through his forehead. “Fucking prick,” she rasped. 

She carefully lifted his hand and laced his finger through the trigger. She set his hand down and grabbed Jodie’s journal, inspecting it for blood. She made her way up the stairs and opened the drawer of her nightstand. She tucked the journal inside, and quickly left. She sat in her car and pulled off her leather gloves, vigorously rubbing sanitizer into her hands. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: gun violence, mentions of suicide

A few days later, Joan put down the shot glass she was washing and dried her hands as her phone rang. She took a deep breath as she answered, fully knowing full why Jodie was calling. 

“Hello my darling. How was your weekend with your mum?” she asked innocuously. “J-Jo-Joan,” the girl stammered through her tears. “Oh Jodie, what’s the matter?” she asked gently. “It’s Dad. He-he’s dead!” Jodie sobbed. Joan’s chest tightened as the image of Sean Spiteri’s crimson blood splattered all over the kitchen floor danced through her mind. She felt a tiny pang in her knickers as she visualized the body of a man she loathed crashing back into the chair.  _ What the fuck... _ she thought as she shook her head. “Oh no, I’m so sorry my angel,” she coaxed. “Where are you now?”

“I’m outside the house. Mum went inside as I was collecting our bags from the car and saw his body. The police are talking to her now. They think he killed himself. I won’t go in there, I can’t-” she broke into a heaving sob. “Jodie baby, I need you to breathe,” Joan whispered. She gave Jodie a few minutes to calm down. “I just, I can’t be here,” Jodie trembled. Joan thought about what to do. “You don’t have to. When you and your mum are done talking to the police, I will come and get you both. You can stay here. As long as you need,” she said softly.

“Thank you,” Jodie replied gratefully. “I have to go, the cops want to talk to me. I love you,” she whispered so quietly that Joan could barely hear her. She hung up the phone, leaving Joan with her thoughts, and her unwelcome father. 

“Killing someone Jodie loves so that she’ll come running back into your arms and absolve you of your sins. Real original Joan,” Ivan scoffed.

Joan calmly picked up her wet dishes and began drying them with a towel. “Well, I did learn from the best, didn’t I?” she shot him a knowing glance accompanied by her notorious smirk.

Ivan cocked his head to the side. “How long have you known?” his eyes narrowed. 

“Dad I was  _ there _ . I saw you hold her thrashing body underwater until she stopped moving. A child doesn’t simply forget such things,” she spat. 

“She spent far too much time with that  _ traitor _ down the street. She couldn’t be trusted. It became a matter of national security. What I did was for the greater good,” Ivan said nonchalantly. 

Joan hurled the cup in her hand to the ground, shards of glass shattering on impact. “She was still my  _ mother _ ! She was taking care of his ailing sister, she wasn’t betraying you or anyone else. She was a housewife for God’s sake,” she snarled. 

Ivan smirked and cocked his eyebrow. “Killing Sean had nothing to do with Jodie, did it?” he taunted. 

Joan rolled her eyes and returned to drying the dishes. “It truly astounds me how narcissists cannot cope with not everything being about them,” she retorted. “He was becoming a danger to himself and others. He needed to be taken out. It was necessary for the  _ greater good _ ,” she asserted.

Ivan crossed his arms and raised his chin. He stared quizzically at his daughter for a moment. “And me?” he asked quietly.

Joan paused as her eyes rolled over the large knife in her hand. “Your delusions were getting out of hand. You were angry and erratic, and you knew too much. I didn’t need you anymore. I did what needed to be done,” she said quietly, her father’s reflection in the shining metal mocking her. Memories of washing her father’s blood from her hands came flooding back as her throat became dry. 

“Oh Joanie. If you truly believe that, then  _ why am I still here _ ?” he spat.

Seething with anger, Joan whipped around, brandishing the knife. Her chest heaved as her eyes darted around her kitchen. He was gone. She tossed the knife into the sink with a clatter and hurled open the door to her freezer. She grabbed the bottle of vodka and sat down on the couch, waiting for Jodie to call. She lost herself in a sea of memories that she hadn’t let herself remember for a long time. The people she killed, the people she loved, the people she couldn’t save. She took a big sip of the smooth liquor as she wondered how differently her life might have turned out if Jianna hadn’t succumbed to the darkness. She had missed her deeply, but there was a part of Joan that was angry with the prisoner for stealing her heart and then leaving her here, alone. 

But she had Jodie now. She failed Jianna, but she wouldn’t fail Jodie. 

Joan jumped as her phone buzzed. She grabbed it and stood up, expecting to head out the door. But it wasn’t Jodie who texted her, it was Vera.

**I miss you Joan xo**

Joan smiled, her little mouse was so sweet and endearing. She began thinking of something romantic to say to satiate the younger woman’s girlish fantasies when she received a photo. Joan bit her lip in arousal as she gazed at Vera’s exposed chest. While Joan intentionally held back on her expressing her need for dominance in her relationships, Vera had begun to pick up on the older woman’s more transgressive desires. Joan felt the heat building in her cunt as she zoomed in to examine the writing above Vera’s nipple. The little minx had used a dark red lip liner to write “Property of Joan Ferguson” on her chest. 

**My my Vera...your behaviour is quite naughty for a Deputy, isn’t it?**

Joan went to her bedroom and removed her shirt and bra. She dug out her leather gloves and pulled them on. She grabbed her white uniform shirt from her closet and pulled it on, leaving it unbuttoned to expose her full breasts. She balanced her phone on her dresser and set a 5 second timer. She gripped her lapels with her gloved hands, taking care to ensure her nipples were clearly visible. She bit her lip and raised a seductive eyebrow as the timer reached zero and snapped her photo. Satisfied, she sent the sultry image to Vera. 

**Governor, you’re making me so wet…**

A photo of Vera’s hand tucked into the front of her pink lace panties appeared a moment later. Joan grinned and took off her pants. She made her way to the bathroom and posed in front of her full length mirror. She hooked her thumb into the waistband of her black thong and pulled it down and away from her hips, ever so slightly exposing a glance of her aching mound. She snapped a photo and hit send.

**Show me how wet you are Vera.**

Joan jumped as her phone rang. It was Jodie.  _ Shit _ she thought, having lost complete track of time. “Hello?” she answered carefully, in case it was Lisa on the other end. “Hi Joan. The police have left, and mum agreed to us sleeping over at yours,” she said. “What did you say to her?” Joan asked cautiously. “I said you texted me to check in on my medieval literature essay and that’s when I told you what happened,” she replied. “Good girl,” Joan coaxed. “I’ll be there soon my angel,” she whispered. She hung up the phone and grabbed her keys. 

\---

“Thanks for taking us in Joan,” Lisa said tiredly as she leaned her head against the window. “Of course Lisa. I’m so sorry,” Joan replied as she put a comforting hand on Lisa’s thigh. “I just...I didn’t see the signs,” her voice quivered. “He’s been unhappy for a long time but I never imagined…” she trailed off. “I know,” Joan whispered as she grasped Lisa’s hand. “How are you doing back there Jodie?” she asked quietly, looking in the rearview mirror. Jodie sighed, her eyes stinging and red. “I just kind of can’t believe it, you know?” she said. Joan nodded empathetically. “Have you two eaten?” she asked gently. Jodie shook her head. “No, but I think we just need to go to bed,” she replied. “I understand. Anything you need,” Joan smiled warmly. 

When they arrived back at Joan’s apartment, Lisa took the guestroom as Joan made up the couch for Jodie. She made her way upstairs and grabbed two extra toothbrushes from her cupboard, and a bottle of sleeping pills. She knocked gently on Lisa’s door. “I brought you a toothbrush...I figured you might have forgotten yours under the circumstances,” she said awkwardly. Lisa smiled gratefully. “I imagine you may also have trouble sleeping, so…” she trailed off as she set the pills down on the nightstand. “Thank you Joan,” Lisa stood up and hugged her tight. She unscrewed the bottle cap and shook two pills out of the container. She swallowed them followed by a large gulp of water. Joan pulled back the blanket as Lisa settled into the comfortable bed. Joan sat beside her for a moment in comfortable silence, rubbing her shoulder to comfort her friend. “It will get easier over time Lisa. I promise,” she smiled. “You’re a wonderful friend Joan,” Lisa said lazily as the sleeping pills began to kick in. Joan smiled warmly and kissed her on the forehead. As she pulled away, Lisa’s hand gently grasped the back of Joan’s neck, holding her there for a moment. “Thank you for everything. You truly are a beautiful person,” Lisa whispered as her eyes dropped to Joan’s lips. Joan stiffened as she slowly stood up, releasing Lisa’s hold on her. She smiled politely, “anytime Lisa. Now, get to sleep. I’ll go check on Jodie,” she turned off the light and closed the door behind her. 

By the time she returned to the living room, Jodie had already made herself comfortable on the couch. She had a blanket pulled up to her chin and she was cuddling one of Joan’s throw pillows. The raven-haired woman sat next to her on the floor, and gently stroked her hair. “How are you feeling my darling?” she asked quietly. “Exhausted. Upset. I just...I can’t believe it,” her lip quivered. “I know my love,” she grazed her cheek with her thumb. “I wish I could take the pain away,” she whispered. “I wish I could sleep in your bed, with you,” the girl said sadly. Joan gently pressed her lips against Jodie’s, feeling the cold wetness of her tears. “I do too. I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep,” she took Jodie’s hand in her own. Jodie sleepily lifted her head from the pillow and met Joan’s gaze. She pulled her hand away from Joan’s grasp and cupped the older woman’s cheeks in her small hands. Wordlessly, she leaned into Joan’s mouth, hovering a touch away from her soft pink lips. “I missed you,” she whispered softly as she grazed her lover’s bottom lip. Joan wrapped her arms around the young woman’s neck, pulling her closer. Jodie lightly pressed her tongue into Joan’s bottom lip, begging to enter. Joan parted her hips as the child swallowed her whole. Her heart throbbed as she lost herself in Jodie’s aura, her murduress hands unworthy of Jodie’s loving grace. Jodie pulled away, peering at Joan with a desperate sadness in her eyes. “You need to rest my dearest. Lie down,” Joan said gently. Jodie laid on her side, allowing herself to be comforted by the mature woman. “You’re safe here. Close your eyes my sweet girl,” she coaxed, gingerly stroking her lover’s hair. She hoped that her soft touch would be enough to lull Jodie to sleep.

\----

Sean’s funeral was arranged for the following weekend. Lisa wasn’t faring well, so Joan helped her organize the service and burial details. On the day of the funeral, she stood with Lisa and Jodie to support them as their friends and family quietly offered their condolences. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glance of a hooded figure outside the entrance to the funeral home. She politely excused herself and left to investigate. She pulled down her tailored black blazer as her heels clicked across the hardwood flooring. She opened the door and saw a short girl in a black hoodie leaning against the wall with a cigarette between her lips. “Can I bum one?” Joan asked curiously. “Knock yourself out,” the girl offered the pack to Joan. She took one and placed it between her lips. “Light?” she prompted. The girl pulled a lighter out of her pocket and turned to look up at the tall woman. “Oh shit,” she mumbled. “What are you doing here Vicky?” Joan inquired as she lit her cigarette. Kosta shrugged and pulled her hood down. “I came to see how Jodie’s doing. Losing a parent to suicide, that’s fucking brutal,” she muttered. “Of course,” Joan nodded as she exhaled. “I don’t want any trouble,” Kosta said cautiously. Joan smiled as she tapped the ash from her cigarette, “nor do I. It’s nice of you to come by. I only want what’s best for Jodie. She’s very dear to me,” Joan said calmly. Kosta took a long drag of her smoke as she observed the Russian woman. “How do you know Jodie again?” she inquired with a look of suspicion on her childish face. “I’m her Aunt Joanna,” Joan smiled patronizingly. “Huh,” Kosta smirked. She dropped her smoke to the ground and stubbed it out. “That’s interesting, I don’t recall Jodie having an aunt,” she retorted. Joan’s smile faltered ever so slightly, and she calmly took a long drag. “Well, that doesn’t surprise me considering your history of drug use,” she purred. “Nah,” Kosta crossed her arms. “I had Chase look you up,  _ Governor Ferguson _ . You aren’t related to Jodie at all. You’re a screw,” she looked Joan up and down. Joan dropped her smoke to the ground and crushed it with her heel. “Is that right?” she mused. 

“So what’s your fucking problem with me _ Governor _ ? Why so hell bent on keeping me away from Jodie?” she spat. “Well Ms. Kosta, your character has much to be desired, and Jodie deserves better,” she smirked. Kosta grinned devilishly as she put the pieces together. “Oh shit! You’re  _ fucking _ her aren’t you?” she laughed menacingly. “Unbelievable. What’s the matter Guv, not enough dykes your own age?” she taunted. Joan wordlessly walked towards Kosta, backing her up into the wall. “Very good Ms. Kosta. I knew you must be smarter than you look,” she drawled as she gazed into the brunette’s eyes, hidden by thick layers of eyeliner. “I don’t expect you to understand. After all, our relationship is quite...unique,” she purred. “Jodie is a complicated young woman. And you’re a little...simpler,” she rasped. “Surely you didn’t expect an angel like Jodie could ever love a piece of trash like you…” she whispered. “Freak,” Kosta spat. “I’d bet her mother would have a few things to say if she found out,” she threatened. 

Joan parted her lips as she gazed into the abrasive girl’s eyes. “Oh Victoria…” she trailed as she caressed her cheek with her thumb. Kosta stiffened at the older woman’s touch. “You’re so young, and so beautiful…” she drawled as she ran her finger over her bottom lip. Kosta shuddered nervously as the older woman taunted her. “It would be such a shame if something were to happen to this lovely face of yours,” she whispered as she tucked a messy brown curl behind Kosta’s ear. “But I know you’re smarter than that. After all,” she gripped Kosta’s face, squeezing her cheeks hard with one hand. “You don’t want to end up like the last person who threatened to expose our relationship, hmm?” she jerked Kosta’s face to look into the funeral home. 

Kosta’s eyes widened as Joan arrested her gaze. “You…” she gasped. “But they said he offed himself. Found a gun in his hand and everything…” she trailed in disbelief. Joan smiled darkly and slowly shook her head. “As you can see, I make no mistakes. Now, if you’d like to save yourself from suffering the same fate, I suggest you leave. And don’t bother trying to contact Jodie. You can try and talk her into seeing you if you like, but it’s futile. She will never leave me. I am everything to her,” Joan purred, her lips dripping with poison. Kosta shook her head and kicked a stray pebble. “You’re a sick fuck lady,” she muttered as she lifted her hood up and left. 


	4. Chapter 4

“Thanks for helping out with the funeral today Joanie. I’m absolutely exhausted,” Lisa yawned. She sipped the last of her shiraz as Joan finished washing the dishes from dinner. “Anytime Lisa. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you,” Joan said gently. She looked over at Jodie, who was sprawled on the couch, writing in her journal and listening to music. She returned her gaze to Lisa, “how is she doing?” Joan asked. Lisa shrugged, “she’s upset, but honestly she won’t talk to me about it very much. She seems to be doing better than I would have expected, so I guess that’s a good thing,” she offered a small smile. “Well I’m glad to hear that,” Joan replied. Lisa yawned again and started unbuttoning her black blazer. “I’m going to bed. What a day…” she slurred. Joan dried her hands and took Lisa’s arm in hers. “Let me help you. You’ve had a very taxing day, and I don’t want you tripping on the stairs with a bottle and a half of wine in your system,” she said softly. Lisa nodded sleepily and allowed Joan to help her up the stairs. When they got to the guestroom, Lisa lazily grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills and swallowed a few dry. “Is that safe?” Joan raised an eyebrow in disapproval. “No worries Joanie, my body’s handled worse,” she chuckled. “I just need to get some sleep,” she slurred. Joan stood behind her and gently helped her remove her blazer. She slowly lifted Lisa’s blouse over her head, and passed her an old band t-shirt that she enjoyed sleeping in. She grabbed Lisa’s elbow as she stumbled, tripping over her pants as they caught around her ankles. “Oh Lisa…” Joan shook her head. “Sit,” she instructed. Lisa sat on the bed and allowed Joan to gently pull the trousers off of her legs. She held back the blanket as Lisa made herself comfortable. She tucked her in, and left to get a glass of water. By the time she returned, Lisa was fast asleep. Joan placed the glass of water on the nightstand and grazed Lisa’s cheek with her thumb. “I’m sorry my friend,” she whispered softly. She quietly closed the door behind her and made her way to the living room.

She knelt down next to Jodie on the couch as the young woman smiled, removing her ear buds. “How are you feeling?” Joan whispered as she grasped one of Jodie’s hands with both of hers. “Fine I think. I’m pretty drained, but I’m alright,” she said softly. “Good,” Joan smiled and kissed her forehead. “How’s mum?” she inquired. “Fast asleep my darling. She’s hurting, but I hope she’ll enjoy a long rest,” Joan said as she stroked her hair. 

Jodie nodded sleepily. “Can I stay with you tonight?” she whispered. Joan’s heart wrenched at the desperate sound of need and longing in the girl’s voice. “We shouldn’t my dear. I would love nothing more than for you to fall asleep in my arms, but you know that we need to be careful with your mum here,” she leaned in and kissed Jodie on the cheek. As she pulled away, Jodie grabbed her arm and arrested her gaze with her soft doe eyes. Joan’s breath caught as Jodie’s hand trailed up her arm and grasped the back of her neck. “Please don’t leave,” the young woman whispered. “I’ll never leave you my darling,” Joan whispered softly. Jodie raised her other hand to Joan’s cheek, softly grazing her thumb along Joan’s bottom lip. Joan breathed deeply as her heartbeat quickened. Jodie pulled the older woman towards her, softly pressing her lips to Joan’s. Joan slid her arm around Jodie’s back, lifting her up as she drowned in the kiss. She tucked a strand of hair behind Jodie’s ear, causing Jodie to shudder at the gentle graze of her fingernails. Joan sweetly kissed the corner of Jodie’s mouth and then her jawline, trailing her lips along Jodie’s neck in gentle kisses. “I miss this…” Jodie whispered softly. “So do I my darling,” Joan purred as she ran her tongue along the dip of Jodie’s collarbone. Jodie pulled the zipper of her hoodie down and guided Joan’s hand to her chest. Joan’s hand felt warm and comforting against the curve of her breast. Joan touched her gently, leaving soft kisses and light nibbles along her throat. Jodie melted into the couch as her body responded to Joan’s warm and loving touch. She lowered her lips to the swell of Jodie’s breast, pulling back her black tank top. She pushed her knee between Jodie’s thighs as she swirled her tongue around her soft pink nipple, hardening with every gentle flick. Jodie arched her hips, slowly grinding against Joan’s strong knee rubbing into her wanting cunt.

Joan took her time covering her sweet girl’s breasts in kisses, sensually painting her soft skin with her tongue. Jodie wrapped her arms around the small of Joan’s back, gently pulling her older lover closer, as if she were trying to take Joan’s body inside of her own. She raised her hips, sliding herself up and down Joan’s strong thigh. Joan smiled as she felt Jodie’s heat radiating from her leggings. She grazed Jodie’s lips with her own, enjoying the soft honey taste of her lip balm. “Touch me...” Jodie whispered as she raised her chin to meet Joan’s kiss. Joan gently pushed her tongue into Jodie’s mouth, savouring the girl’s desperation for her touch as she gently cupped Jodie’s mound through the black lycra and playfully ran her thumb up and down, pressing into her aching core. Jodie’s breath caught as her sensitive clit throbbed, arching her neck back and biting her lip with need. “You’re so beautiful Jodie,” Joan whispered as she traced little shapes into Jodie’s belly. She slipped her hand into Jodie’s knickers as her young lover gasped. “Shhh,” Joan coaxed, placing her fingertip over Jodie’s lips with her other hand. “You must be very quiet my darling,” she whispered into Jodie’s ear, her warm breath sending shivers down Jodie’s spine. Jodie nodded and gave Joan a quick kiss as the raven-haired beauty lightly stroked Jodie’s clit. Jodie slowly rolled her hips to Joan’s touch and pressed the back of her hand into her mouth to stifle the sweet sounds threatening to escape her lips. Joan gazed into those doe eyes with adoration as she softly ran her fingers up and down Jodie’s slit. She felt a warm rush to her cunt as she resisted the urge to suck her darling’s silky nectar from her fingers. She raised her touch to meet Jodie’s clit once again, slowly coaxing the girl to orgasm as she rubbed softly but firmly. Jodie let out a breathy moan as she felt the pressure building in her core. “Yes, that’s it my darling…” Joan whispered as she pressed a little more, drawing circles. Jodie breathed harder as she got closer to the edge. She bit her lip in a failed attempt to silence her whimpering. “Shhh,” Joan whispered. Jodie’s eyes shimmered with urgency as she softly stammered “I can’t”.

Joan smiled and placed her hand over Jodie’s mouth as she caressed her clit with a little more pressure. “Let yourself go my angel,” Joan whispered. Jodie ground her hips into Joan as she squeezed her eyes shut. Waves of sweet release coursed through her body as she moaned into Joan’s palm. Another jolt teased Joan’s aching cunt as she watched her lover quietly unravel. Jodie slowly opened her eyes and put her hand on top of Joan’s, still pressed against her mouth. She kissed her palm as the raven-haired woman gently pulled her hand away and grasped Jodie’s fingers in hers. She lifted her sodden fingers to her lips, the taste intoxicating. She gently kissed Jodie and pulled the blanket over her. “Sleep well my beautiful girl,” she whispered. Jodie smiled sleepily, “please stay,” she asked with pleading doe eyes. Joan nodded and kissed her forehead. She sat down on the floor and draped her arm on Jodie’s side over the blanket, gently stroking the small of her back to coax her love to sleep. She rested her cheek on Jodie’s thigh and enjoyed the serenity of watching her girl’s chest rise and fall as she slept soundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little smutty goodness, I know this section's been heavy! <3


	5. Chapter 5

Joan woke with a start at the sound of a gunshot. She lifted her head and inhaled sharply as she looked around the room. It was 2am, and she had fallen asleep at Jodie’s side. She slowly stood up, trying to rub her leg to bring back the feeling as she took in her surroundings. She rubbed her temples to banish the jarring sound from a nightmare she couldn’t remember and walked slowly up the stairs to bed. She turned the knob slowly and opened the door to her room. She pulled her sweater over her head and stepped out of her trousers. She lazily pulled a pair of flannel pajama pants and a white long-sleeved top out of her drawer. She put them on and was about to tie her hair up for the night when she felt a presence behind her. She sighed as she resigned herself to yet another unpleasant encounter with her father. 

She felt a soft heaviness on her shoulder. She turned around and her breath caught as she took in the sight of the tall and beautiful woman in front of her. Her mother smiled gently and lightly touched Joan’s cheek with her soft hand. “Mum…” she whispered in shock. Her eyes welled with tears as her mother nodded slowly and placed her hand over Joan’s heart. She turned her head to the side as she looked quizzically at Joan. She cocked her eyebrow curiously as she explored her daughter’s dark eyes. A tear rolled down Joan’s cheek as she followed her mother’s gaze to her killing hands, and saw the crimson blood spreading throughout her palms. Her mother pulled her hand away from Joan’s heart, and gently cradled her shaking hands in her own, bloody palms facing upwards. She gazed inquisitively into the raven-haired woman’s eyes. “Please tell me what to do. I only wanted to protect her. I love her,” Joan whispered shakily. Her mother gently kissed her forehead and caressed the inside of her palms with her thumbs. The blood slowly disappeared, causing Joan to lightly sigh in relief. “I’ve missed you mum. Why haven’t I been able to see you until now?” Joan trembled. Her mother laced her fingers through Joan’s and peered deeply into her eyes. Joan’s hands felt wet and cold. She looked down and noticed small beads of water running down her mother’s arms. When she looked up, her mother’s long dark hair was soaking wet. Joan’s lip quivered as her mother stared into her eyes with an empathetic sadness. Tears flowed down Joan’s cheeks as she trembled in the wake of her sins. Joan’s mother sat on the bed and allowed Joan to lie down and bury her face in her lap, sobbing uncontrollably. “I’m so sorry,” she heaved. She rubbed her back and stroked her hair, comforting her broken daughter as she did when she was a young child. Somewhere in her mind, Joan could hear her mother’s sweet voice singing her to sleep. 

\---

_ Joan Ferguson had been a willful child. She was highly intelligent, creative, and unafraid to speak her mind, which sometimes got her into trouble. Everything she did was larger than life, and by the time she was in kindergarten, everyone knew little Joanie was a force to be reckoned with. She had a strong sense of justice, and her teachers commonly grouped her with quieter students who were more vulnerable to the neighbourhood bullies. She loved fiercely, and was quick to lash out at anyone who became a threat to the people she cared about. _

_ She became close with a young girl named Manya. Her family had recently moved to Korsakov, and it didn’t take long for the other children to notice that Manya came from a poorer family than most. Manya and Joanie would often spend time playing outside before school, running around, skinning their knees, and looking for animals to befriend.  _

_ One morning, Joanie waved goodbye to her mother and noticed that Manya wasn’t at the lamp post where they usually met. She scanned the schoolyard looking for her dear friend when she spotted Manya at the far end of the field. Alexei and Viktor were tormenting the poor girl, pulling at her two braids and lifting her skirt. Joanie marched over to the boys, gripping her lunchbox and furrowing her brow.  _

_ “Oh hi Joanie, come to save your little princess?” Viktor taunted.  _

_ “Leave her alone,” Joanie seethed, her knuckles turning white as she tried to contain her anger.  _

_ Alexei pulled both of Manya’s braids, tossing her roughly to the ground. The poor girl started crying as her favourite dress became muddy. Joanie quickly helped her up. “It’s okay Manya, I’m here,” she said kindly. Manya nodded as the tears streamed down her face. Joanie handed Manya her lunchbox and turned her focus back to the boys. “You shouldn’t have done that,” she threatened. Keeping his eye on Joanie, Alexei picked up a thick tree branch as he and Viktor backed her up against the tree. “Nowhere to run now you stupid girl,” Viktor grinned. “Grab her!” Alexei yelled. Viktor charged at Joanie and grabbed at her wrist. Joanie slid her own wrist down her arm with force, knocking Viktor’s hand away. Her mother had recently enrolled her in martial arts classes to deal with her anger issues, and she had learned a few self defense blocks. Joanie ducked as Viktor sent a punch flying towards the little girl’s face, hitting the bark of the tree instead. “Ow!” Viktor yelped as he shook his hand in pain. “Who’s stupid now?” Joanie taunted. Alexei’s face tightened with anger as he watched his schoolfriend rubbing his wrist. He gripped both ends of the stick with his hands and ran towards Joanie, shoving the stick across her throat and pinning her to the tree. “Joanie!” Manya screamed, crying as she desperately looked around for an adult to help. Joanie tried to push Alexei away from her, but he was leaning all of his weight into the stick, suffocating her. “Get...off...me” Joanie struggled. “Stop it! Stop it!” Manya cried. Alexei pushed his body weight down into the rough wooden branch, forcing Joanie slowly towards the ground. As she began to feel dizzy and realized she wouldn’t be able to breathe at all much longer, Joanie reached down, frantically patting around the grass for anything that might help her. Her small hand settled on a rock. She grabbed it and smacked the side of Alexei’s head as hard as she could.  _

_ The boy dropped the stick and fell to the ground. Joanie gasped for breath as she sank down into the wet grass. A look of terror crossed Viktor’s face as he watched the blood slowly trickle out of Alexei’s head. Joanie caught her breath and examined the unconscious boy in front of her. She locked eyes with Viktor and grinned. “If you ever touch Manya, or any of the girls in our class ever again, you’re next,” she threatened. Viktor’s eyes widened and he tried not to cry as he realized what Joanie couldn’t: his friend was never going to wake up. “You’re a freak Joanie!” he shouted before he turned and ran away sobbing.  _

_ Manya tried to help Joanie to her feet, but the ruthless girl was still feeling a little woozy from the lack of oxygen. She tripped and fell flat on her face. She flattened her hands against the grass and pushed herself up. Manya’s lip quivered as she peered down at Joanie’s tiny hands, covered in blood. Joanie stared at them, equally afraid of getting in trouble for what she had done, and intrigued by the deep red hue that stained her palms and covered the front of her dress.  _

_ She darted her gaze to Alexei and put her hands on his shoulders, trying to shake him awake. “Alexei, wake up!” she shouted. The school bell rang. “Stop sleeping Alexei, you’re going to get us in trouble!” she huffed in frustration at the stupid boy. Her teacher, Mrs. Rabinovich came outside to collect the children. Her jaw dropped and she started screaming for the headmaster when she saw Joanie straddling the unconscious child covered in blood, desperately trying to wake him up. _

Joan woke up in a cold sweat, her body trembling as the horrific memory she had buried long ago took hold of her wretched heart. She turned on her lamp and desperately looked around the room. Her mother was gone. She heard light footsteps in the hallway, coming from the direction of the bathroom. Her door slowly opened and Jodie stood there in her sweater and leggings, the warm glow of her cheeks capturing the light in the hallway perfectly. Her mouth opened in surprise as she saw the state that Joan was in. “Joan, what happened?” she whispered as she made her way to her bedside. She sat on the edge of the bed and held Joan’s hand in hers, anxiously searching the older woman’s eyes. Joan gripped her hand tightly, trembling as she choked on her words. “Did you have a nightmare?” Jodie whispered softly. “Y-yes,” she managed to say between heaving breaths. “Oh my love…” Jodie whispered as she dried Joan’s tears with her sleeve. She stood to take off her sweater as Joan pulled her close. “Please don’t leave me. I don’t want to be alone,” the older woman whispered. Jodie leaned down and kissed her gently. “I wont, I promise. Just let me take off my sweater and get you another shirt,” Jodie smiled softly. Joan nodded and allowed Jodie to pull her up out of bed. Jodie pulled the drenched white shirt over her head and selected a black tank top for her to wear. Joan slipped the shirt over her head and laid back down. Jodie slid into bed next to her and gently kissed Joan’s cheek. She put her hand over Joan’s heart as she steadied her breathing. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked softly. A small tear escaped from the corner of Joan’s eye as she basked in her sweet girl’s love and kindness. “No darling. I can’t. Not tonight. Just...hold me...please,” she sighed. “Of course,” Jodie whispered softly. Jodie laid on her back and pulled Joan close, her cheek resting on Jodie’s chest. She wrapped her arm around Jodie’s waist and closed her eyes, inhaling the aromas of clean laundry and the floral scent of Jodie’s hair. Jodie kissed the top of Joan’s head and stroked her hair, eventually coaxing her older lover to sleep. 

Jodie laid awake for a long time, listening to Joan’s rhythmic breaths as she slept. She wasn’t used to this. Joan had always been the one to take care of  _ her _ , and she had never seen Joan this distraught. While she occasionally lost control of herself, Joan was usually quite calm, and when she did lose control, Jodie felt like she became an entirely different person for those short bursts of time. But after exploring Joan’s eyes blanketed in horror, Jodie knew the terrified woman was her raven-haired lover. Jodie felt a rush of sadness settle in her chest.  _ What happened to you? _ She wondered.

Jodie woke to Joan gently shaking her. She planted a quick kiss on Jodie’s cheek. “My darling you have to go back to the living room. I just heard your mother turn the shower on,” she whispered. “Shit,” Jodie sighed. She grabbed her hoodie and tossed it on, jumping up from the bed. She knelt down and quickly pressed her lips against Joan’s, her mouth aching for more. “I love you,” she whispered. Joan smiled sleepily “I love you more,” she whispered. Jodie smiled sweetly and opened the door quietly. She sighed with relief as she could still hear the water from the shower. She tiptoed down the stairs and laid on the couch, covering herself with the blanket. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your support with this series so far! I know it's a whirlwind and this relationship is something else lol.  
> I promise the next work will be less of an emotional rollercoaster, and have more of the sexy lesbian content we all love in this fandom.


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